By Colby Malsbury
Trump is magical. He can declare a global jihad against homophobia. He can do what no former president has ever done before (such boldness!): declare anti-semitism a death penalty offence, and bolster this affirmation with the appointment of a meddlesome ‘hate’ envoy, doubtless with near-cabinet rank. He can mouth off meaningless statistics about how ‘bigly’ his majestic border wall is going to be, while simultaneously destroying the prototypes that are the only trace of construction to be seen thus far – and no doubt is planning on saying ‘But don’t you see?? The wall was in your hearts all along!!!’ on the very last day of his presidency. And yet for all these stark betrayals, the ranks of his boosters seem to be as committed as ever they were, continuing to lionize him as a secular Charlemagne laying the foundation for a Holy Murikan Empire dedicated to the establishment of a freedom of a noticeably orange hue.