By Colby Malsbury

Twas Christmas Eve ’20, and all through the pad

Not a creature was stirring, they were all so sad.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

But the family had Covid, so no doubt they’re still there.

The children were terrified to arise from bed

Due to the terror implanted in their heads

By mamma in her face mask, and pop in the same.

Fending off sure death is certainly no game!

Then out on the lawn there arose such a ruckus

Pop moaned aloud ‘Oh, this is just our luckus!!’

He thought that black looters had found him, y’see.

He’d spent all year at home with the riots on tee vee.

Low testosterone kept him from going to look

At the impending catastrophe outside his snug nook.

And thus he did not see, while quaking in fear

A miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

St. Nick, the old driver, was lit’rally irate,

His hands clenched like bears’ paws, his face seared with hate.

More rabid than Cujo he went down his list

Striking out names with a slash of his wrist;

“No, GRETCHEN! no, GAVIN! no, INSLEE and CUOMO!

Shame, BORIS! Shame, ARDERN! Shame, TRUDEAU – you HOMO!

All you have acted like deceitful asses!

I’d leave you all coal, but it’ll cause greenhouse gasses!”

As a trailer in Kansas when a twister comes by,

That red-clothed Nazi rose into the sky.

The reindeer parked his sleigh atop a high roof

And with a loud voice, Santa proclaimed some truth.

‘Ye curs in your hovels!!! What manner of men

Submits to tyranny again and again???

On this night of December, you all lie deranged

From fear of a bad flu! Well, what else has changed???

‘All year you have behaved as rats in a cage,

Downloading Pornhub while your governors rage!

You missed out on summer on account of your fright!

Why aren’t you out now??? ‘Tis a beautiful night!

‘They tried this lockdown crap up at the North Pole

When the Missus came down with her seasonal cold.

Jackbooted WHO thugs made the workshop a wreck!

Now the elves sit at home collecting pogey checks!

‘Such cowardly indolence warrants no gain!

Therefore this year from gifts I refrain!

Want to be bolstered by some Christmas cheer?

Before the curfew, go get some more beer!

‘To make matters worse, my eyes light upon

A BIDEN/HARRIS sign athwart many a lawn!

Sychophant poltroons, endorsing mass theft!

All for six hundred bucks from your friends on the Left!

‘You’ve abandoned your churches to the prevalent gloom

And jeered at your brethren too contrary to Zoom!

And despite what you’ve been reporting with much glee

Fauci will NEVER get a vaccine in me!!!’

With these furious words the neighbors weren’t aligned

So as one they reported him to state-run rat lines.

But they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:

‘TO HELL WITH YOU ALL! FOR CHRISTMAS I WILL FIGHT!’