By Colby Malsbury
There once was a man-child named Joel
Who decided to take on a new role
With coyness so deft
He embraced the Left
And all it cost him was his soul.
You can’t keep a good spoiled brat going back to law school in middle age because he’s unemployable but his father-in-law’s loaded down. Yes, Tribal Theocrat’s least favorite (and least competent) change agent Joel McDurmon is back in the saddle again, breaking a ridiculously prolonged silence on the November 4th debacle to proffer his scintillating thoughts on the topic. It’s always sad seeing a pathetic scandal-plagued has-been in evangelical circles attempt a comeback. At least Jim Bakker has some overpriced colloidal silver to peddle.
So what does neo-Calvinism’s future F. Lee Bailey have to say about Greatest Election Evuh? Not much, to tell ya the truth. Because he prefers to let one of the feminist flunkies who think he’s dreamy because he humors their Lilithian usurpation of male authority do his speaking for him. Witness:
I dunno – maybe I’m dense, or just jaded from too many years of social media. But when someone gets into meme mode and paraphrases the entirety of a supposed legal discrepancy into a couple of ‘gotcha!’ sound bites, without so much as a supporting link to provide evidence, I don’t go all White Knight and start lauding her attentiveness and dedication to truth, justice, and the American Way. Maybe McDurr has a thang for her? Not for me to say.
Oh, and his phrase ‘those conservatives’ is rich in irony, redolent as it is of General Lee’s denigrating description of the bluebelly horde as ‘these people’. Only thing is: Lee wasn’t a wannabe carpetbagger. What’s Joel’s excuse for taking on such an uppity tone?
Any actual, y’know, proof that claims of widespread electoral malfeasance are just retarded conspiracy theories utterly unworthy of serious-minded individuals like Mr. Cool here alleges? There are mountains of new claims of such being unearthed daily. Can he be bothered to acknowledge any such claims from time to time – especially as he has connections to a few sugar daddies still willing to finance his stellar career of s**tposting woke stuff at 4 in the morning – or is the occasional hip post poo-poohing stark reality sufficient? I think we’re starting to get an inkling of just what kind of lawyer McDurmon will be – the kind who says ‘I so decree. Case closed. I can bill $750/hour now???’ Helpful hint: when you file a lawsuit against your governor for unlawful loss of livelihood, don’t retain Joel’s services.
Of course, McDurr would respond that this is just some more of that trademarked ‘principled conservatism’ of his, so deeply enmeshed in complex and ancient philosophies of liberty that only he can comprehend it. And he would point to his fellow faux-Christian conservative insular hack Erick Erickson as an inspiration:
Look, it’s all well and good to want to see an idol smashed. I certainly have thought MAGA Man to be such among a Right that steadfastly refuses to believe that their dude could be controlled opposition. But what about the idol of democracy itself, a point I expounded on in my previous article? Is that not what God’s wrath burns reddest hot against? But no: you can bet that Erickson will be clamoring for ‘rational, reasonable’ Republicans to get out that thar VOET in two years’ time again. McDurr will be doing the same, but on the down low and for whatever progressive fifth column third party that might get 42 votes in Vermont if they’re fortunate catches his fancy.
And if both Erickson and McDurr are eager in citing the Second Commandment, shouldn’t they be equally eager in citing the Eighth? The anomalies prevalent in this ‘election’ are enough that even many Democrats – still Feeling the Bern after all these months – are beginning to question the legitimacy of the results. For McDurr, especially, getting virtuously snippy when unexplained videos of poll workers in Georgia carting around mysterious suitcases supposed to be stuffed with ballots after hours have surfaced is already not aging well. Maybe this one episode would have a ‘perfectly simple explanation’, but it’s just one of many such examples at play here – take Pennsylvania’s illegal acceptance of 10,000 fresh ballots after the polls had closed, to cite just one other instance. McDurr’s refusal to so much as acknowledge this is simple juvenile petulance and the stupidest kind of obstinacy. A Christian can – nay, must – conscientiously call out theft occurring before his eyes even if the theft is being perpetrated against someone we don’t like or respect. Especially when far more than the required Scriptural two witnesses to such a theft are evident. That’s called ‘theonomy in action’, Joel. Didn’t you used to pretend to lobby for such before you dropped the ruse and embraced Trotskyism?
McDurr, naturally, is also too dishonest to ever admit that his post is merely one in a series of online snipes coordinated by the neo-Reformed Left. Know how weird it is when local news stations across the country start parroting the exact same talking points word for word when a certain agenda is being advertised? This is akin to that, albeit with a little more seeming originality to foster the myth of independent thought. Take, for example, John Andrew Reasnor – the Renfield to Joel’s Dracula:
No need to deign to write your own opinion on such a non-issue when you can just indolently re-post someone else’s and then go back to fuming about the lack of transgender bathroom facilities in Presbyterian churches or whatever. And hey, didn’t Hezekiah use many psalms of David to describe his own feelings of reverence? Reasnor is pretentious enough to place himself in the same category.
And what of Mr. NKVD himself, that super Slav Bojidar Marinov? Oh, he’s having a veritable field day lately:
Well, give him credit – unlike the previous two one-hit wonders, he’s at least putting some effort into his campaign of deception. Hey, you don’t get to be a member in good standing of the Bulgarian offshoot of the KGB without dedication to your craft! But I’m speaking metaphorically, of course.
As for Blow’s astounding claim of marijuana shenanigans in Michigan? His source for that is a single throwaway article from the Dec. 5th Detroit Free Press – a dubious source to begin with, but especially so as the paper is part of the Gannett chain, which has been especially aggressive in laying off reporters in the wake of declining subscriptions and the Covid carnival. Exceedingly friendly to the Biden/Harris ticket to begin with, is it likely that Gannett reporters will risk their sinecures by refusing to write the most egregious spins imaginable on anything relating to the greatest President-Elect-To-Be-Announced in the republic’s history? Fat chance. The entire Fifth Estate lost any claims to due diligence they could put forth long before this.
But there is hope yet. Just as we are witnessing more and more active resistance to the stifling arbitrary tyrannies of Scarybug regulation, so too are we witnessing more and more pushback against these self-appointed Solons of Sanity:
Even one such small snipe is better than unanimous cringing servility to the diktats of a self-appointed elder. Of such trickles are an eventual wave of cultural regeneration born.