By Colby Malsbury
Ding dong, Dracula’s dead.
Maybe.
On that note, I guess we should get this point of contention out of the way first: personally, I don’t think Jeffrey Epstein ever was in jail to begin with. If he had been, he would have been the only billionaire in the history of the world ever to find himself consigned to the general population of a prison before his trial could even get underway. Are we to believe he opted for a court-appointed attorney or something? Having said that, I am not dogmatic on this point, and if someone prefers to believe he was murdered by outside forces inside his cell, I will gladly continue to break bread with them. If you parrot the official line that he suicided himself, though, depart from my sight and never return. That level of naivete is painful.