By Colby Malsbury

Hello, Quadrennial Election Year, my old friend. It’s good to hear from you again. You show up like clockwork every year we are also blessed with an occult spectacle of global woke athleticism in the summer and an extra day in February, and we are always so much the richer for the combined experience.

But, golly – I suppose that means there won’t be any room for any other topical discourse whatsoever, will there? Especially once we’re past New Hampshire? So I guess we had better discuss tangential but still crucial items while we still can.

One such crucial item is the latest proffering from the (((entertainment industry))) enmeshed in bands of Kabbalah and passionate to get some triggering black magick onto a streaming platform so that they can hopefully have something to brag about to stockholders at the year’s first earnings call. In this case, it’s Amazon Prime’s gleefully Luciferian Hazbin Hotel , an “adult” animated sitcom whose key audience will no doubt be proto-woke preteens upset that South Park makes mock at black, Jewish, and homosexual people far too often for modern sensibilities. The series promises to be a startlingly original revisioning of the talmudic fable of Lilith, inasmuch as the crux of the series focuses on her and Satan’s daughter running a halfway house for demons evicted from hell. Sure thing, chief! Never seen that trope before, certainly not in 30+ years of references to Lilith the Semitic Shrew in copious amounts of Hollywood junk – everything from Bordello of Blood to The Fifth Element to the tee vee show Supernatural – hell, even Cheers managed to work in a reference to the rabbinical ravisher! Where do you movie moguls get your great ideas? Probably from the same source that assures you that Jesus’s fictional and blasphemous marriage to Mary Magdalene is also always a hot new take, a canon of work ranging from The Last Temptation of Christ to The Da Vinci Code to the contrary.

But I suppose the important thing is that the religiously credulous will always be drawn in by your sleight of hand. And on that note, there are few in popular culture nowadays who have proven themselves to be more credulous than the Legend that is podcasting god Tim Pool.

Pool, of course, is one of the multitude of online rite-wing ‘gurus’, each of whom has his own flock of redpilled acolytes who avows that he, and he alone, is the True Buddha. On the influencer scale, he’d be less of a work-within-the-system normie than Patrick Bet-David, but edgier and less dad-oriented than Matt Walsh, and slightly less stoned than Joe Rogan – and while he dabbles in poorly researched and non-systematic conspiracy, he’ll never be able to top King Alex Jones in that department. He is also an ex-Obama supporter, which seems to be a common thread among many younger podcasters – they were the ones interacting on his Facebook page in 2008 and were able to put their nascent tech skills to good use later on – without falling too far from their ideological apple tree, I must hasten to add. The coterie always has two things in common, though: they must always maintain that voting matters, else Donald J. Trump, millionaire who owns a mansion and a yacht might not get back in, and they must voice unconditional support for Israel no matter what atrocity they might have committed yesterday afternoon. Pool pigeonholes himself nicely in both boxes.

And he apparently considered that qualification enough to ruminate on the nature of Hazbin Hotel in one of the cringiest analyses I have witnessed in many a long month now. This is supposed to be our confederate in the cultural wars? Let’s just say Pat Buchanan in a beanie he ain’t.

Pool begins with a declaration that the show is a ‘corruption of Biblical teaching’ – which it certainly is, to put it very lightly. We call this the ‘hook’ to draw Christian – or, more apropos to our ever-evolving society, ‘religious’ – conservatives into watching. Pool then channels his inner Marcus Pittman and states the major theme of his vid – and I quote: “If you want to counter this, and produce content that you think would do good things, you have to make good content, and you can’t just sit here and complain about it.”

So simple, so eloquent….and so fundamentally wrong. Timmy, making content is the easy part these days. Have you tried distributing anything lately? I don’t care if you’re the John Milton of celluloid – your chances of getting a legacy distributor to give your theological passion project more than a disparaging glance are remote at best. Yes, I know there are rare exceptions like Sound of Freedom, but that doesn’t make the possible even remotely close to probable.¹ Go online? Hah. Despite vid sites like Rumble gaining in popularity, if you want that all-important reach you still have to opt for the YouTube route, and its algorithm is going to place your magnum opus off in the cyber-hinterlands where collections of 1950s government-financed films about yam growing reside. Pool, of course, has been placed near the top of the algorithm’s priority list for a good long while now, so he doesn’t personally have this problem. And has no business handing out tips to start-ups in the streaming racket, either. We’re not dealing with the internet of 2012.

Speaking of things he is not capable of opining on, he most certainly is that way when it comes to discussing anything theological, as well. He makes his skepticism regarding Hazin Hotel‘s blatant satanism being part of a larger occult conspiracy very evident. He tends to think of the project more as one gigantic ‘goof’ made by net-savvy edgelords, and nothing more substantive. Well, everyone has a goatee and an opinion, I suppose, but his subsequent admissions document that we ought not to take either his goatee or opinion the least bit seriously.

He begins his critique of the show’s intro with a frank confession of ignorance regarding both the Scriptures and Talmudism: upon viewing the section documenting how ‘the angels’ (!!!) created both Adam and Lilith, he states that he doesn’t ‘believe’ that Lilith is a part of ‘actual Bible teaching’, but that he’s also no ‘religious expert’. This is the easiest thing in the world to document, Tim. The first four chapters of Genesis are not that onerous of a read. Or does your demanding research schedule dictate that you – or your research team – not bother to confirm this yourself? But not to worry, as Pool is still against the message being sent, as it is promoting needless anarchy against the “established order”, rather than “reform”. Mmm??? First of all, since when does heaven require reform? Second, Pool’s concept of exactly what order it is that is so firmly established is hazy at best. It’s frankly a wonder that he picks up on and negates the show’s blasphemous premise that God had no hand at all in the creation of Adam and maybe-not sure Biblical Lilith. He later goes on in this vid to admit that he is not a Christian, though he does ‘believe in God’, whatever that entails.

The main point being: given his obvious laissez-faire attitude regarding orthodox Christianity, why is he qualified to be speaking on this subject at all? I should point out that this opinion piece is a monologue. Even a perpetual stoner like Joe Rogan knows that, when the topic delves into what is to him esoteric, tis a far better thing to bring on a guest who has actual experience with the topic in question to do the heavy philosophizing…even if the guest is usually just as stoned as Joe is himself. For Tim to throw together a poorly-thought out pastiche likely drafted over lunch such as this embodies the very worst attributes of ‘content creation’, and the only thing that differentiates him from a 12 year old atheist hollering his perfidy for two minutes on TikTok is that Tim gets the monetized views and shares that godless Dante in Eau Claire, WI lacks, and Tim can buy a second Tesla as a result.

He then goes on to recap the show’s hideous concept as laid out in the intro – how that misunderstood genius Lucifer just wanted to give all the future mere mortals on earth a chance to live up to their “full potential” and have fun doing so, but the bad old angels minus God decreed that a no-fly zone and banished him to the earth, and in the meantime the original feminist Lilith was kind of getting bored with the original simp Adam and so dumped him so that she could hook up with Lucy, and in the meantime Eve showed up to eat an apple and bring sin into the world, so Lucy and Lilly had to move to the netherworld and propagated the “Daughter of Hell” in all the commotion, and Angels, Inc was getting so pissed off about everything that they have been sending an army of demons (?) down to Hades once in a while on a raiding mission, but the compassionate Daughter decided to open a hotel for them in the hopes that she could rehabilitate a few of them from time to time in order to carry on her father’s not-so-infernal-after-all bidding.

Pool’s response to this perfidy? Which could have provided him with a week’s worth of material, easily, if he was so inclined? About five minutes of time-wasting vacillation. “Well, I don’t personally dig this, but I’m not the Preference Police, so you do you.” And many reiterations about how Christian content creators JUST HAVE TO DO BETTER. And an irrelevant side note about how some rap music is cool, especially that one song he heard that sorta kinda denigrated Black Lives Matter. I especially liked his line about how he learned about the Seraphim from watching the movie Dogma. You get the picture. Welcome to the addled thought process that is a key characteristic of the Millennial generation, ladies and germs. Why do Boomers presume that MTV rotted the brains of Gen-X again?

We are then presented with a notable example of the haplessness of MAGA lurkers within the comment section of threads whose understanding of media conditioning is barely even skin-deep. The pilot episode makes it clear that homosexuals are among the denizens of hell. One bright bulb in the pilot’s comment section saw fit to mention: “What I like the most about helluva boss/hazbin hotel is that it’s secretly based by confirming that gays go to hell.” Oh, sweetheart. You haven’t seen many of the Hieronymus Bosch plush-and-plaster abominations cruising down the street in your town’s Gay Parade, have you? These people know full well they’re hellbound, and they positively revel in the certainty. Untrammeled hedonism never once marred by a Godly countermeasure, for all eternity? If you’re soulless, what’s not to like? Even if you do have to endure some exceedingly strange cuttings and piercings far more probing than anything you’ve ever experienced in the flesh? Tim thinks this comment is ‘really funny’. About what I’d expect from someone with no Christian presuppositional worldview at all.

He further tries to explain away the seeming incongruity of a left-wing show placing sodomites in Hades by claiming that, while the show’s creators are obviously divorced from any vestigial belief in Christianity, their roots in the historical faith are what are causing them to presume this. (He also makes the obligatory disclaimer that he, himself does not believe that homosexuals should be, or even are, in hell. Oh no, far, far be it from him to spew such hatred! But the creators themselves are presuming that is their lot in eternal life. That’s his point.) Neat theological and/or anthropological gymnastics rendered meaningless by the pederast mentality I outlined above. Isn’t it amazing, how the reprobate cannot perceive of the boundless lust for evil that can penetrate the heart and poison the soul-well of his fellow reprobates?

Pool begins to wrap up his astute video essay with an admission that he doesn’t really care about any of this, but he does find it ‘interesting’. Quite an endorsement of what has gone before. This is like a Gen-Zer making a response vid to the Kennedy/Nixon debate of 1960. Apparently what drew his attention to this issue in the first place was the ‘staggering’ amount of views the pilot vid generated – par for the course for any hyper-monetized influencer who can’t fathom an economy outside of streaming platforms. And he then repeats the theme of the vid: “A culture war must be won on merit.”

Okay – but on what basis are we defining merit? He makes several references in the vid to Sound of Freedom, but let’s be frank – laudable and courageous as its theme is, in its understanding of the fundamental debased nature of man vs the omnipotence of God, it hardly expresses a theme that the likes of Donne or Dryden would have been likely to rub their chins thoughtfully over. This is why, Pool’s claims to the contrary, we are not winning the culture war. How can we, when we can’t even properly define what a ‘culture’ is? Rounding up a bunch of insular individuals disparate in their creeds, backgrounds, aspirations, et al under a big tent rubric of ‘hating Biden/Trudeau/Macron/Sunak/Bill Gates/Klaus Schwab/Etc.’ and needing to support ‘Great White Hope of the Month’ that we can all live happily ever after is the most utopian of all political fantasies, and while it might gain you some tenuous short term advantages, those can and will be evaporated in an instant, as has been demonstrated to us whenever Ukrainian forces occupy a former hamlet of 17 people bombarded into grist and abandoned by Russian forces for about a half hour.

And this will be the state of things as long as we allow our core convictions to be subjected to the tender mercies of the echo chamber that is the globalized, algorithmic, hyper-narcissistic internet. In fact, it’ll get a whole lot worse once AI programs come along that will be able to tailor a worldview for us that is utterly alien to anything approaching reality but will be able to plug into our confirmation biases so alluringly that the need to think will finally be made obsolete for one and all times. Want to fight a culture war on those terms? Snort. I wish you the best of luck rounding up that herd of gophers.

But let’s not think about that now. Next up at the top of the hour we have Theo Von on to report on the latest thing Taylor Swift did to make the woke libtards cry. And be sure to like and subscribe so that you might have access to all the cool merch we have to offer. We’re winning, fam!!!

1Pool, incidentally, does cite Sound of Freedom as an example of how we are ‘winning’ the culture war, and cheerfully notes its position of maximum visibility on Amazon Prime. All well and good. Yet the fact that the movie largely takes place in Latin America and was, in large measure, specifically greenlit, at least in part, in order to fit in with the ‘persecuted masses who must be allowed refuge within our own backyards’ narrative that is currently trending red-hot never seems to have occurred to him. One cannot be too cynical in these times.