By Colby Malsbury

Trump is magical. He can declare a global jihad against homophobia. He can do what no former president has ever done before (such boldness!): declare anti-semitism a death penalty offence, and bolster this affirmation with the appointment of a meddlesome ‘hate’ envoy, doubtless with near-cabinet rank. He can mouth off meaningless statistics about how ‘bigly’ his majestic border wall is going to be, while simultaneously destroying the prototypes that are the only trace of construction to be seen thus far – and no doubt is planning on saying ‘But don’t you see?? The wall was in your hearts all along!!!’ on the very last day of his presidency. And yet for all these stark betrayals, the ranks of his boosters seem to be as committed as ever they were, continuing to lionize him as a secular Charlemagne laying the foundation for a Holy Murikan Empire dedicated to the establishment of a freedom of a noticeably orange hue.

At this stage of the game, such idolatry has gone way beyond disheartening, way beyond annoying, even way beyond enraging. It has now become actively repulsive.

And well it should be considered aberrant by any Christian man. For despite the strained macho blue-collar Jeffersonian swagger affected by Donnie’s Denizens, their ardent love affair with the Great Pretender is womanish, and their subsequent mindset thoroughly effeminate. “FAKE NEWS!!!!” I can hear them belching out. I beg to differ. Let us count the ways:

1. Theirs is entirely an emotional attachment

Remember the 2016 election season? No two ways about it: that was a long strange trip, and immensely entertaining. It had the exhilaration of a WWE battle royale that lasted all summer and fall, and was perfectly calibrated to enthrall an electorate who by that time had adopted the binge-watching of spectacles as a normal mindset. Pity, then, that just as in a pro wrestling extravaganza, the whole thing was scripted – from Trump’s refusal to commit to not jumping ship to a third party at the first GOP debate, to Van Jones’s huffy sniffings about a ‘white backlash’ as the forces of MAGA pulled off their ‘upset’ on election night. The whole thing could have been tailor-made as a story arc for a Netflix original series, and probably was before it was rejected as being too fantastic for the likes of House of Cards.

But all that matters not a whit. Today’s men live vicariously through their sportsball players and iconic fictional movie characters, just as today’s women live similarly through their cats and various instant princesses who fortuitously marry into the House of Windsor. Powerless (and usually unwilling) to do that which gives glory to God in real life, they find it much easier to glom onto a Strong Man and LARP with him to an ill-defined finish line, mistakenly believing that such self-bondage constitutes chivalric loyalty. I’m sorry, but this is the exact sort of reasoning that drives a beta or a lambda male inside the walls of a prison to become the receptacle of an alpha bull queen, that he might go an extra week without getting shivved in the shower. And while I disparage them utterly, professional political behind-the-scenes operatives (who are overwhelmingly male, needless to say) never allow themselves to be smitten with any candidate they happen to be working for for very good reason. Man-crushes wrought the collapse of more than one civilization past, and rest assured they will do so again.

Because Trumpadours are in luhv with him, this inevitably leads to…

2. Catty behavior on social media

If you’re a sixteen year old girl, going on a mass purging or blocking of 90% of your friends’ list on Facebook because you (or they) just can’t even, such hyperbolic action is in keeping with a character that is being driven by the outpouring of a hormonal torrent. What excuse does a fortysomething Trump supporter have for doing the same thing? Because his pals aren’t sufficiently ‘woke’? Lame. If he’s going through the heartbreak of male menopause, perhaps he should buy a Jag instead. A similar gambit the sixteen year old uses is variations on the ‘I know you are, but what am I?’ raspberry popularized by that hunka hunka burnin’ dude Pee-Wee Herman. As a Canadian who has never bothered hiding my disdain for Carpetbagging Donnie, I have heard many, many times the masculine variant of this: ‘Well, at least he’s not Justin Trudeau!!!’ That’s some exquisite justification for the goodness of your idol, Captain Geopolitical, and the fact that you think that would burn me shows how well you know me, to boot! In any event, neither of these tactics is likely to build the manly Christian camaraderie that makes all the tyranny of the internet platforms worth suffering through.

3. ‘Trump is basically good. He’s just received bad advice.’

I’ve heard this excuse a myriad of times, and like a Twinkie that’s been sitting on the back shelf at Wal-Mart it ain’t getting any fresher. Is a man not supposed to take responsibility for his own actions? Do we not jeer at Zedekiah of Judah for failing to do just that? I don’t want to hear about how the US would be a based wonderland by now if it hadn’t been for the diabolical machinations of Kushner, or Tillerson, or Cohen, or Mnuchin, or any other ‘fifth columnist’. Trump ran as the big bad sheriff out to drain that perfidious DC swamp all by his lonesome. If he wants to make like Gary Cooper in High Noon, he can damn well start acting like it. Those in his fan club who continue to cover for his lack of backbone are no better than a doting mother who simpers over her baby boy who wrapped yet another Camaro around a tree and got yet another African pregnant.

4. ‘He makes me laugh!’

It has long been known to men that one of the surest ways to a woman’s heart is through her funnybone. Make her laugh, and that can cover a wide variety of mishaps on our part. Apparently the same rules apply to those men with most unbecomingly smitten with Trump. “Yeah, he’s let us down one too many times. I’m totally done with him……O lawds! Look at his latest tweet!!! It’s all about ‘Kooky’ Kamala Harris!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Damn, I love this guy!! So triggeriffic! Can’t wait for 2020!!!!”

5. The efficacy of voting is seemingly proved once again.

Just when we almost had the zeitgeist finally convinced in the Obama years that democracy was a complete waste of time at best and a heathen affirmation of man being the measure of all things at worst, Trump had to show up with his ‘stunning’ upset win and spoil everything. Who has been the primary benefactor of the vast majority of legislation passed in the West for the past two decades? Women. Who, increasingly, makes up the legislatures of the West…not to mention the executives? Women. Ergo, who are the biggest boosters of voting in this day and age? Women. Ever gotten a call from some chirpy harridan eagerly impressing upon you the urgent need to donate money towards a Political Party You Stupidly Devoted Some Spare Time To Twenty Years Ago? It’s not a pleasant experience. Yet the swaggering reconstructionists who look to Trump as this generation’s Charles Martel demonstrate that exact feminine zeal. I dunno – you tell me.

6. A continued wilful bondage to the Jewish yoke.

This is the most damning bit of effeminacy of all. By taking the Trump narrative at the face value presented by the peddlers of lies in politics, academia, the media, etc, his cheerleading squad gives wholehearted, if tacit, approval to the kosher cabal that has the rein over them. And when has shameless bootlicking ever been considered a worthy masculine trait? God, in commanding Judah’s obeisance to Nebuchadnezzar, certainly never decreed that Judah kiss their shackles, besides. Lest you think this a touch far-fetched, the Self-Chosen have been waging a campaign of castration against white males for decades on a variety of fronts – from outright homosexual/transgender agitprop to pornography, dispossession of the yeomanry, soy-laden GMO ‘food’, football fanaticism, etc. Theirs is a diverse arsenal. Why should they not also use the glittery pageantry of the political arena to stage a male-oriented soap opera, as well? And as the former purveyor of the Miss America pageant, Trump knows a thing or two about how to put on a show for this testosterone-free muddle.

What more needs saying? For all intents and purposes, your average beer swilling tatted up no-pineapple-on-pizza-ever manly MAGA moron behaves no less lightly in the loafers than Milo Yiannopoulos. His relationship to Trump very much resembles ‘men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet’ (Rom. 1:27). He has created a fairyland every bit as loathsome as the one the Bronies have created for their peccadilloes, and if he wishes to abide therein he shouldn’t expect any Christian company.