By Colby Malsbury

In ancient Rome, the pagan festival of Lupercalia was held in the middle of February. Derived from an even older Greek festival that venerated wolves, it paid homage to Romulus and Remus, the mythological twins who founded the Roman kingdom after having suckled lupine teats during their formative years. The bacchanal has ever since been associated with lycanthropy, and to this day ultra-nerdy werewolf cultists celebrate it via furry cosplay.

This is the only logical explanation for the feral stupidity our enemies have seen fit to engage in, both without and within their camp, over this past month. I haven’t seen so much heresy, guttersniping, and feet entrenched firmly in mouths since the last international climate change conference.

Thus, we have witnessed John Piper embrace full antinomian sacrilege (quite a stretch, I know) by decreeing that the incarnation of the Man Christ was God’s deliberate breaking of His second commandment. Perhaps Pips was trying to pander to the nascent anarcho-‘Christian’ demographic in voicing this stunning falsehood, but one would think this bunch would be turned off by his well-known preference for cringing in his prayer closet while his wife is being raped just outside the door.

We have witnessed Tim Keller, who would like to remind you that he has had numerous pop-theological tomes on the New York Times bestseller list while you will have nary so much as one ever, wage an insipid Twitter campaign against the sinister imaginary shibboleth of ‘energized and emboldened white nationalism’, demanding (in his own terminology) that it be condemned ‘full stop’, whatever that means. Perhaps to commemorate Black History Month, Keller is paying homage to Hammer time? After all, he’s heard that the youths of today really dig that sick groove.

Speaking of insipid, we have witnessed Joel ‘my podcast got 26 views once’ McDurmon briefly remember that the credulous once considered him to be a conservative, and to toss a bone to that nostalgic remnant by taking Keller to task for professing an anti-Biblical ‘social theory’ steeped in Marxist ideology. Which sounds great, until you come to the end of the piece and realize that McDurr’s recipe for a ‘Biblical’ social theory involves lots and lots of condemnation of our ancestors’ ‘sloganeering and insulting’ in the course of forwarding ‘slavery, Jim Crow, Apartheid, and more.’ Seriously, this guy needs a hobby. In his telltale narcissistic fashion, McDurr manages to convey the impression that he alone has ever noticed Keller’s proclivities towards a more perfect Soviet union, and in the process drops more ‘I’s’ than a Scottish assembly voting in favor of leaving the lights off in the kirk to save money. Kind of a roundabout way of joining Timmy’s anti-rayciss crusade, but I’m sure he’s glad to have Joel on board just the same.

We have witnessed David Bahnsen, freshly recovered from his broken heart over Kobe Bryant’s death, beaming with paternal pride because his nine year old son saw fit to herald Bernie Madoff as a financial genius. Bang-up job you’re doing raising that kid to be a credit to the Church, Dad!

Further to that, we have also witnessed Bahnsen pen an article in praise of the Judaic vulture capitalist Michael Milken for Forbes magazine, classifying him as an innovative go-getter and a martyr to the holy cause of neo-liberalism. I dunno. Given that the Dow Jones has been on one of its inevitable downward plummets again lately, perhaps Davey is wistful for the good ol’ days of pump and dump stock market jobbing.

We have witnessed Marcus Pittman, renowned for many years now as a butterball who couldn’t do a push-up without whining about how doing so would impugn upon his naturally-bestowed liberty, suddenly embrace a rather ridiculously aggressive patriarchal worldview now that he has been married lo these many months. To that end, he took notice of the Net’s top sob story of a week ago: a nine year old Australian aboriginal boy afflicted with dwarfism and bullied mercilessly over it, whose mother saw fit to film a video of him expressing his dismay and suicidal tendencies, and then posting it online for all the world to gawk and sob at. In his trademark heavy-handed and inept style, Pitty proceeded to take umbrage with the kid’s demeanor, and proclaimed it a sin for him to threaten suicide – weirdly specifically, because he was crying while doing so, as that is an emotionally manipulative tactic. Ergo, Pitty concluded the boy needed a father around to tough him up. Whatever kernels of truth may be present in this stance, they were very poorly worded, and equally poorly received, as the immediate backlash precipitated by his long-time SJW fanbase documented. Words cannot express the delight one feels to see Transcalvinism’s very own Buddha squirm his way through a barrage of (largely feminist) outrage over his picking on a nine-year old with one-sentence queries more often than not beginning with stock clauses like ‘I never said….’ or ‘If you go back and read….’! One can almost feel the flop sweat emanating out of his bald pate! Even McDurmon, who Pitty once considered the von Mises of Calvinism….or perhaps the Karl Barth of hipster libertarianism, I forget which….saw fit to terminate their long-standing genial partnership over this matter in his trademark fashion by calling Pitty a psychopath. Way to get in front of this particular hot take, McDurr! And the cherry on the sundae? Serious questions have begun to arise over the veracity of the entire story, with several pictures of the boy in gangsta posture surfacing on Twitter, leading to speculation that he is an experienced actor, and that this entire gamut was a fundraising scam. In other words, the reams of blatherskite proffered by the Caring Crew in the boy’s defense, and Pitty’s subsequent torpedoing of his reputation, was over a meaningless non-issue. I, for one, can’t think of a more fitting metaphor for the Church as a whole.

We have witnessed Lamb’s Reign proudly announce their newest contributor….Bojidar Marinov. Like the coronavirus, you can’t keep this guy out of your house no matter how well you seal off everything.

Have I mentioned Joel McDurmon yet? Well, we have also witnessed his not being satisfied with all the turgid compassion Black History Month allowed him to hoist upon everyone in the manner of projectile vomiting, and his taking up the cudgels of an additional never-before-voiced issue of grave concern – the continuing resistance to Holocaust® indoctrination on the part of Americans…er, sorry, I mean the profound ignorance of Americans over official Holocaust® death stats. Delivered in the smarmy tone one would expect of a woke dude who alone cares about this miscarriage of ‘justice’, of course. And when one of Kinism’s own made light of McDurr’s pretensions by posting a roaring furnace GIF on that thread, we witnessed a spastic McDurr embarrass himself further by taking a screenshot of said GIF and screeching over how that constituted a threat against his person (!!!) by ‘neo-Confederate racists’. Where does he get his rhetorical inspiration from? One of McDurr’s groupies further stoked the hysterical hysteria by making the now-obligatory reference to the sinister influence of Peter Hammond. Chaps, seriously – Dr. Hammond just isn’t that into you.

We have witnessed Andrew Sandlin publicly avow that the only friends, Christians, and hard workers worthy of his fulsome praise are Mexican.

We have witnessed a professed Christian creature going by the handle of ‘Chris Hutto’ – whose Facebook profile pic definitely suggests he’s in the habit of wearing his boxer shorts backwards – metaphorically submit another application to be a Lamb’s Reign contributor with his delectable online confession: ‘Man these Alpha males must have so much fun drinking beer, smoking cigars, oiling their beard and coming up with insults for us commie, SJWs. Bless their hearts.’ This in response to a Kinist onslaught against his repulsive flamboyance, which one can hardly fail to take notice of as he is both a loudmouthed defender of all that is wretched on threads that are not his and the keeper of a public FB profile. Need I mention Hutto was also involved in taking Pittman to the woodshed over his newly discovered macho side? And that Hutto referred to Pittman as a ‘psychopath’, just like, hey, McDurr did?? Nice disciples you’re fostering there, Joel. How long will you bring the price of a dog into the house of the LORD, and insist on being warmly cheered for doing so?

There is more – much, much more – but I think these examples will suffice as a syllabus. What more can be said than that these people are demoniac? Not too many years long past, they would have been condemned en masse as inventors of evil things and hustled out the back door of the church before they could start climbing the walls and chewing holes in the ceiling. That these clowns are allowed any kind of a public podium to speak from is a disgrace upon the Church and a judgment against it.

It’s hardly a surprise, though. Some three and a half years ago I predicted these turmoils would soon envelop the Alienist camp, and I was far from alone in perceiving the unhappy precipice this group was tumbling towards. And I would be dishonest if I said I didn’t view these developments with grim satisfaction. We Kinists have received our fair share of the barrage from the forces of perfidious Leftism over the years, and it’s high time the Tolerance Brigade took an artillery hit or ten. I will sit back and enjoy the Pharisees and Sadducees rend each other to bits in the Thunderdome. I’ll be rooting for the clock.